The Best Boy Ever Made Read online

  "But you're not gay. You've said that numerous times."

  "I know, I am not." Sam said. "But Ms. Henderson thinks I need to, I don't know, she says I shouldn't consider transition yet, that I should explore this possibility."

  "What possibility?"

  "That I am a butch lesbian," Sam said and looked down.

  "But you told me..."

  "Yes!" Sam snapped, "and that's how I feel. But I need Ms. Henderson's approval to transition, and she thinks, you know, that it could be."

  My eyes narrowed. "She's a lesbian." I said. This was a fact, Sam had said so.

  Sam nodded.

  "So she thinks if that's her thing, then it must be the answer for you, too?"

  "I don't think she's being like that," Sam said. "She says she has to be able to say that I have tried other alternatives before she signs off on me transitioning."

  "How is being a gay woman an alternative to being a guy? That don't make any sense."

  "Besides, it's LGBT," Sam went on. "So the teen group is open to transgender kids, too. Who knows, there might even be another FTM there."

  FTM meant female to male transgender. I was rapidly learning all this new lingo. I nodded. "So when is it?"

  "Sunday night, five to eight."

  "When should I come by?" She just looked at me. "When are we leaving for Des Moines?" I repeated.

  "We?"

  "You are not going alone."

  "You can't be serious." Sam said.

  "Completely." I replied. "When I had my tonsils out you came and saw me every day."

  "That's different."

  "When my pony died you spent the night, and held me until I got to sleep."

  "That was your first pony." She said. "And we were like eight."

  "Still."

  "It's different."

  "No, it's not. When I have had to do difficult or painful things, you have been there for me," I said. "And I told you when you first came out that I would be there for you."

  "You really want to go to a gay bar?"

  "No," I said. "Honestly I am scared to death of the idea. But I will go to one."

  "Why?"

  "Because my best friend has to go to one."

  Sam just smiled and shook her head. "Never could argue with you. Fine. Honestly, it'll be easier to have someone I know there. I was dreading going alone."

  Chapter Four

  Okay, see this? This is an amazing sight. This is Alecia, conservative country girl at a gay bar, having fun. Lots of fun.

  What can I say? At first I was nervous. Heck, I would have been nervous going to any bar, even if it did have a "teen night." And I would have been nervous about meeting a bunch of gay people, too. The bar is, well a bar. It's called The Garden. I don't know, it's okay.

  The kids, well they're kids. Not as different as I would have thought. Maybe the boys are, they are a hoot. Most of the boys I know are pretty stiff. They're like super macho and if they aren't, they are super defensive about that. The gay boys, on the other hand, they just act any old way because they don't care about being macho. It's such a relief to hang out with boys like that. A couple are drag queens and they did a teen show. That was hysterical to see, the boys hammed it up on stage and everyone had a great time. I even saw Sam crack a smile during part of it. I haven't seen her smile like that in awhile and it was good to see.

  There wasn't anyone like her there, unfortunately. One of the lesbians was a "drag king". I had never heard of that before but I guess it exists. During the teen show she came out in a flannel shirt and a cowboy hat and sang a country song. It cracked me up, not because it was funny but because it was so like something Sam would do without ever intending it to be drag or anything.

  The lesbians were the biggest shock to me. I have always had this particular imagine of lesbians as being tomboys or short haired heavy set women. There are a couple of girls that fit that description close enough, but no more so than a lot of the straight girls at school. Most of these girls are girls.

  Since Sam came out to me we've been spending a lot of time together. I mean the goats are part of it but since she came out we can talk again and it's been like old times. The thing about old times is that I used to go through periods where I'd get kind of annoyed with Sam cause she never wants to do girl stuff, or even talk about girl stuff. I love spending time with her, but you know, sometimes I want to do normal girl stuff.

  I had been sort of feeling that way, lately. I have been so busy with the goats, and with talking to Sam about this trans stuff that I have pretty much blown off Mary this spring. I decided just this afternoon that I need to call her and get together with her for some regular girl time next week, after this whole gay bar thing.

  And now here I am in a gay bar getting my girl time. Emma, Sheryl and Tina are just as girly as Mary, more even. They are so sophisticated, city girls. Emma's a redhead, she wears her hair in a really stylish short of bob with gorgeous bangs. She wears low cut sleeveless T's and tight pants. So not what I expected of a lesbian. Sheryl's got long dark hair and is super pretty. She, too, is wearing a T-shirt and tight jeans. Tina is hispanic, a little bit heavier but still quite pretty, all three are wearing makeup.

  I have never worn much makeup. I'll do a little eyeshadow and blush for a date, maybe some lipstick. I like makeup, I just don't go overboard like Britney does. These girls didn't either, but they made me wish I'd worn some tonight.

  They had their nails done and Tina offered to do mine. I was a little nervous at first, but then I realized it wasn't some sneaky way to get to hold my hand or nothing. They all know I am straight and just here to support my friend, Sam. It was great to just sit in a group of girls, having my nails done and listening to the gossip they had, and they had a ton. Of course it's all about people I don't know, but it's still nice.

  It was just about the perfect evening, well almost.

  "This has been a blast," I said to Sheryl as she touched up her lipstick in the bathroom mirror. I was washing my hands at the next sink over and Emma was at the third. "I didn't realize it would be so much fun."

  "Sam's a tiger," Emma purred.

  That comment annoyed the heck out of me. I don't like it when guys talk that way about girls, why should girls talk like that about each other?

  "What?" Emma said catching my look of irritation.

  "This is a gay bar," Tina said, misunderstanding. "If you've got a problem with us talking about a girl, it's your problem here."

  "I don't," I insisted, hurt. "It's just... Sam's my friend."

  "And we couldn't have any old lez getting too close to our friend, can we?" Emma said.

  "What is that supposed to mean?" I demanded.

  "I know when I am getting cock blocked."

  I opened my mouth to speak and then closed it again. I knew what "cock blocked" meant, of course, I am not some dumb hick. I had never heard a girl use the term, and I certainly had never been accused of such a thing.

  "Cool down," Tina told her.

  "It's like this," Emma went on, as though she hadn't heard. "Your friend, Sam? She's one of us. I know she's your friend and all..."

  "Sam's transgender," I said, "not gay."

  "She's attracted to women," Emma said brushing off my comment, "and you had better get that through your head. You might think you are being the best little friend in the world, but Sam's got needs you can't meet and that's not going to change. So why don't you get out of the way of those of us who might."

  With that she turned and walked out of the restroom. When we got back to the table she had taken my seat, right next to Sam. She was talking and purring in Sam's ear. I sat on Sam's other side and stewed. Luckily it was seven forty five and teen night ended at eight. Longest fifteen minutes of my life.

  On the way out Emma slipped something to Sam. I didn't see it, but you don't have to be a rocket scientist to figure out it was her number. I gave my new friends a big hug; Robbie
and Greg the two gay guys, Sheryl and Tina, the lesbians. I even gave a hug and a fake smile to Emma, who had the gall to plant a quick "friendly" air kiss on my cheek.

  "Interesting night," I commented as we got into Sam's truck.

  "Interesting, all right," Sam agreed with a grimace. "You seemed to be having fun."

  For most of it, anyway. "Yeah, they were nice people," I said.

  Sam nodded, "Nice people, not our kind of people, but nice people."

  I cocked one eyebrow at her.

  "Not country," Sam explained. "Nice people, but not country. I haven't even heard of half those shows they talk about or listened to that sort of music."

  "Did you like any of them?" I asked conversationally.

  "What's that suppose to mean?"

  "You know, that's kind of the point of this whole thing isn't it?"

  "I am not a lesbian, Alecia," Sam shot back.

  "I know, but you are...attracted to girls, right?"

  Sam shrugged. "Yeah, but that's not... I am just not ready. You know? I got to figure out who I am first. That was the whole point of this thing. And I can now tell Ms. Henderson that my straight friend fit in better with the lesbians than I did." She ended, a smirk playing at the side of her mouth.

  I swatted her playfully and it was like old times.

  "Did you like anyone?" Sam teased.

  "Shut up," I said. After a long pause I added, "Emma was pretty cute." I gave Sam a sidelong look, trying to gauge her reaction.

  She shrugged. "Yeah, she was."

  "Not very country, though." I added.

  "But cute."

  "You could do better."

  "Really?"

  "Yes." I insisted.

  We didn't talk for a long while after that, and when we did it was about the goats.

  #

  It's not just Mary that I have been neglecting. I have been neglecting Audrey. I have been feeding and grooming her like always, it's not that. I just haven't been riding as much and when I have ridden it's been in the corral. Audrey loves to gallop across the open fields as much as I do and we haven't done that since the goat's kidded.

  So tonight I took her to Sam's with me. We tore across the field and leaped the fence. Mr. Oleson and Sam watched us as we landed and Audrey trotted across their yard. Mr. Oleson was crying out, "Annie get your gun" which is so old fashioned. Sam was cheering, and called me "Calamity Alecia" when I dismounted.

  Now that I am on my way home I am riding slower and I didn't jump the fence. I am not even taking the field, but sticking to the road. I am a daredevil, but I won't risk Audrey turning an ankle in a gopher hole in the dark. That would be stupid.

  The gay bar scene was a couple of days ago. I hadn't told my mom where we were going and I wasn't going to tell her now. I might have been surprised to discover that gay people could be nice, but with the way my family thinks, they'd be surprised they were even people. Serious.

  Still they are family. You got a love them anyway. And they got to love you back. It's the rules.

  I was staring at the distant lights of town. I knew a lot of people in that little town and I knew a lot of them felt the same way my family did. They would never accept gay people and they would never be able to grasp the difference between someone like Sam, who was transgender, and a lesbian.

  Would Sam ever be able to come home again? After she transitioned and was a man, would anyone in that town still accept her? I looked at my house, the house where I had lived my whole life, the house where Sam and I tore through the screen door so many times that Dad had to replace it almost yearly while we were growing up. She wouldn't be allowed through that door again, I was sure of that. We'd stay friends, I swore that and I meant it. But we wouldn't be meeting at my house.

  I looked back at Sam's house. Her family seemed to accept her. I didn't know to what extent that would continue after she transitioned.

  Then it hit me. I had always been the daredevil of the two of us, because I could. I could be the most rough and tumble farm girl and my dad called me spunky, a pistol, or as Grandma Becca said, full of piss and vinegar. I could be all those things because I knew deep down I had a home, a place I could come back to. I could run the fields on my horse knowing full well that when I got home I would be daddy's little princess again.

  Sam couldn't. Sam knew, and had known from a very young age, that what she was would be unacceptable to most of the people around her. She could never be sure how people would react when she told them. She could never be sure she would have a place to come home to. It made me sad all of a sudden. I turned and spurred Audrey on, desperate to be inside in the light and cheer of home.

  #

  "So this cowboy goes into a bar and..." Eric was saying as I entered the classroom.

  I took a seat towards the back, right behind Clarke. Clarke's a big broad country boy. We dated for a short time in late junior high, but we didn't have any chemistry. We are still friends.

  "A girl next to him says, 'are you a real cowboy?'" Eric goes on, oblivious to my appearance.

  Last period Friday, one hour (and track practice) between me and the weekend. I looked around the room. Sam's towards the front. I usually would have sat up there but I was running late and all the seats are taken. Oh well, I'll talk to her later.

  We are the only two girls in the class. It's FFA, Future Farmers of America for you city readers. 4-H is a little more balanced, heck even Mary's in it even though she's not country. Her family lives on an acreage on the edge of town, Mary's got a horse and rides (mostly parades and stuff, like Pony Express). She's raising rabbits for her 4-H project this year.

  Anyway, FFA is more geared towards those who want to farm. That's traditionally more of a boy thing and I think me and Sam are the most girls this classroom has ever seen.

  "So the cowboy says," Eric goes on, "well, I wake up thinking about cows, I spend my whole day thinking about cows and I go to bed thinking about cows, so yup, I must be a cowboy.' He smiles at the girl, what about you?' The girl replies, 'I'm a lesbian. I wake up thinking about girls, I spend my whole day thinking about girls and I go to bed thinking about girls."

  A lesbian joke? Figures. Eric is just the type to make gay jokes.

  Eric pauses and goes on, "So this guy comes in the bar a little later and says to the cowboy, 'whats up with you?' Cowboy replies, 'All these years I thought I was a cowboy, I just found out I'm a lesbian."

  Clarke snorted. I rolled my eyes.

  "What?" Eric demanded.

  "Do you have to tell those sort of jokes?" I groused.

  "It wasn't bad or anything," Clarke put in, "not mean, anyway."

  "I just don't care for people joking about that subject."

  "Cause your best friend's one?” Eric asked.

  I just stared at him. Clarke glanced at the front of the classroom, at Sam's back. Sam was wearing a button down country western shirt and blue jeans. The outfit had appeared recently in Sam's rather small wardrobe and was suspiciously like the outfit the drag king had worn on Sunday. She always wore her dark hair short, like a boy. She might say whatever about wanting to be a boy, I knew what people around school thought of her and would always think of her. It made me mad.

  It must have shown too. "Sam's not gay," I said.

  "No," Eric smirked. "She's got gender issues. That's different."

  My eyes narrowed suspiciously. "How do you know?"

  "I may be stupid, but I'm not dumb," Eric laughed.

  "What's that supposed to mean?" Clarke said.

  "I have to go to counseling for my learning issues," Eric said. A chill ran through me, "at Crossroads Mental Health, every Thursday after school."

  I swore under my breath. That was the same time Sam went.

  "So does Sam," Eric confirmed, "but she's not stupid, she just has gender issues."

  "So? The fact that she goes for counseling doesn't mean anything. A lot of people go to counseling.
" I was sure this was true, though I only knew of two people, Sam and Eric. Why did they have to go to the same place at the same time? "You shouldn't make assumptions about why."

  "What other reason would there be?" Eric replied. "It's like that episode of Family Guy where Meg is grown up and has a mustache, remember that? 'We get it Ron, you're a guy now.' Eric laughed at his own joke, so loud that the teacher looked our way and all eyes turned towards us.

  Clarke started to smirk, too, then caught my expression and stopped.

  When the eyes had turned back towards the front he leaned back and whispered, "It's okay, Al, Sam's a great friend and so are you. Just ignore Eric, he's an ass." That made me feel a ton better, but I still had this sinking feeling in my gut.

  #

  I didn't get a chance to talk to Sam at track that afternoon. State finals weren't that far off and Coach Terrance pushed us harder than ever. We ran with the team and we ran too hard for chit chat even if we had had privacy.

  After practice I went to supper with Jeremy and his family. It was okay. Jeremy asked me to junior prom (about time really, I mean we have been dating for five months almost and I certainly couldn't take an invitation from someone else). I was distracted, but I am that way a lot lately.

  When I got home it was pretty late. Britney and Dad had done chores already. All I had left on my schedule was to work on my gay marriage speech. I have all the facts I need but I need to keep practicing. Practice makes perfect.

  But I couldn't practice. All I could do was sit and brood. Who would Sam marry? She, no it would be “he” by then, wouldn't be able to marry under law, would she? Even if she took hormones and looked just like a normal guy, her birth certificate would still say she's a female.

  That was assuming a female would have her. She'd look like a boy, but she wouldn't be a boy where it counts. Not that anyone worthy of Sam would be that shallow, but she'd never be able to give a woman children. It was a catch twenty two, a shallow woman wouldn't want her because she wasn't equipped right and a thoughtful caring woman would have to give up ever having a family. Who would make that sacrifice?

  Besides, it now went further than Sam. I thought about the girls at the bar, Sheryl, Tina and even Emma. I didn't wish them any harm. A week ago I didn't think I was offering them any harm. I would have agreed with NOM, they had the right to heterosexual marriage. If they chose not to have a heterosexual marriage that was their choice, it didn't mean they needed their own special kind of marriage.